JOKE+++

1. Losing all your friends

Man comes home and finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."

2. Brother wanted

A small boy wrote to Santa Claus,"send me a brother"....
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"....

3. Meaning of WIFE

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means 'Without Information Fighting Everytime'!"
Wife replies, "No, it means 'With Idiot For Ever'!!!"

4. Importance of a period

Teacher: "Do you know the importance of a period?"
Kid: "Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away."

5. Confident vs. confidential
A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential? "
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential! "

6. Anger management?

Husband: "When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control your anger?"
Wife: "I clean the toilet."
Husband: "How does that help?"
Wife: "I use your toothbrush ."

AISA BHI NAHI HAI KAY..

Aisa bhi nahi hai kay
I don't like your face…
Par dil ke storage mein
no more disk space...

Ghar se jab tum nikale
pehen ke reshmi gown…
Jane kitne dilon ka
ho gaya server down...

Jab se meri zindagi mein
aayi hai ik female…
Bhool gaya hai sab kuch
kya mailbox, kya e-mail...

Dil se ek ishq ki
application create kar raha hoon…
Pyaar se debug karna
mein wait kar raha hoon...

Tumhaare intezaar mein
neend aayee so gaya…
Yeh dekho mera connection
time out ho gaya...

Kal jab mile the
to dil mein hua ek sound…
Aur aaj mile to kehte hain
your file not found...

Jo muddat se hota aaya hai
woh repeat kar doonga...
Tu naa mili to apni zindagi
ctrl+alt+delete kar doonga...

Shayad mere pyar ko
taste karna bhool gaye...
Dil sey aisa cut kiya
ke paste karna bhool gaye...

Laakhon honge nigaah mein
kabhi mujhe bhi pick karo...
Mere pyaar ke icon pe
kabhi to double-click karo...

Roz subha hum karte hain
pyar se unhe good morning...
Woh aise ghoor ke dekte hain
jaise 0 errors aur 5 warning...

Nazar mein to kai hain
aur shaayad lonely hain...
Problem yehi hai ki voh
ab read only hain...

unconditional love

Some time ago, A Man punished his 4 year old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the small child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree. Nevertheless the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said "This is for you Daddy."

He was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction... He opened the box and his anger flared again when he found the box was empty.

Then he yelled at her:

DON'T YOU KNOW when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside of it???

The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said,

Oh Daddy it's not empty, I blew kisses into the box, all for you Daddy.

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her for forgiveness. After that he kept that gold box near his bed for years.

Whenever he was discouraged he would take out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had put it there. In a very real sense each of us has been given a gold container filled with unconditional love and kisses.

There is no more precious possession anyone could hold.

Confession

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet , not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says , "Dark in here." The man says , "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No , thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK , how much?"
Boy - "$150"
Man - "Sold."

In the next few weeks , it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes , it is."
Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove."
The lover , remembering the last time , asks the boy , "How much?"
Boy - "$350"
Man - "Highway robbery. Sold."

A few days later , the father says to the boy , "Grab your gloves , let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says , "I can't , I sold my ball and my glove."
The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?"
The boy says , "$500"

The father says , "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... That is way more than those two things cost.

I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says , "Dark in here."
The priest says , "Don't start that shit again , you're in my closet now."

Dilon se khelne ka hunar hume nahi aata..

Dilon se khelne ka hunar hume nahi aata
Isiliye ishq ki baazi hum haar gaye
Meri zindagi se shayad unhe bahut pyar tha
Isiliye mujhe zinda hi maar gaye....

My Wish...

I Would Like To Be....

MOONLIGHT....
In order to enlighten the nights of misunderstood lovers

SILENCE...
In order to silence the voices that turmoil people's hearts

DAWN...
In order to bring one more day of happiness

LIGHT...
For all those who live their lives in darkness

NIGHT...
In order to cuddle those who strive all day long

LIFE...
So that all those who are dying... may be reborn again

A TEAR...
So insensitive hearts can also cry

A SMILE...
In order to sweeten bitter lips

LOVE...
In order to unite people... and let them know that I am just one of them...


In fact...
I would just like to be a small hummingbird... So I could fly into your home through an open window, surprise you with a hug, and wish you a beautiful day.

Tonic for the Mind - 15

Peace is not the absence of conflict. There will always be conflict because there will always be others who want you to behave as they dictate. Peace is the experience of the presence of God. The way to inner peace and consequently to experience higher awareness is to shut down the internal frenzy. As you learn to shut down your inner dialogue and become more peaceful, you will begin to know the presence of God in your life.

- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer