SMS :- JOKE- 4

46	da cocktail party 1 woman said to another "Aren't u wearing ur wedding ring on da wrong finger?" The other replied "Yes, I am, I married da wrong man."
47	A lady gave an advertisement in the classifieds : "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a 100 letters. They all said da same thing : "U can have mine"
48	Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.
49	Husband says"When Im gone you'll nevr find another man like me". Wife replied"What makes you think I'd want another man like you?!!!".
50	Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously... Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again
51	TEACHER : IF U HAVE 12 CHOCOLATES U GV 5 TO LEENA,3 TO TINA,4 TO MEENA, DEN WHAT WIL U GET? STUDENT: 3 NEW GIRLFRIENDS
52	Man runs home shouting pack your bags honey, i just won 10 million in lottery. wife: Do i pack for beach or Resort ? Man : Who cares? just pack and get lost.
53	Thief : quickly hand over your purse I have a gun Lady : here take it Thief : ha! ha! no bullets in my gun. Lady : ha! ha! no money in my purse
54	Do you want to hear a dirty joke? B. Ok A. A white horse fell in the mud
55	A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the Police officer. "No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying for years."
56	Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical and a good cook..... But the law allows only one wife
57	Why there are always two cops in a car patrol ? A: In case the siren won't work, one of them to scream "Wouuuu-Wouuuuu" and the other - "Blue, Red, Blue, Red, Blue, Red.."
58	What do you call a letter delivered from a chimney? A. Black mail
59	Teacher: Sonu, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? Sonu: No, teacher, it's the same dog
60	A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27 She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him that the room is empty "Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."

SMS :- JOKE- 3

31	Q. What do men and beer bottles have in common? A. They are both empty from the neck up.
32	Stalking into a police station late one night, a man demands to speak to the burglar who broke into his home. "Sorry,that's against the rule," says the desk sergeant."You didn't get it," says the man."I need to know how he got in without waking my wife."
33	Two men were talking at a party. "I," said the first,"only believe half of what people tell me." "Why ?" "I'm a lawyer." "I believe twice what people tell me." "What are you ?" "A tax inspector."
34	Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore.
35	Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Manu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
36	Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?" jonny: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day same time."
37	Teacher: pappu, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. pappu: Me!
38	Teacher: Johny, how do you spell "crocodile"? Manu: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L" Teacher: No, that's wrong Manu: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
39	Tcher: How Old is ur father. Sunny: As old as I m. Tcher: How is it possible? Sunny: He bcom father only after I was born.
40	Wife going to Wife returns. Husband:-where is my gift? Wife:-wait 4 9months. London. Wife:-Do u want anything from England? Husband:-ya... English girl.
41	Commerce professor asks the student: what is the most important source of finance for starting business? Student: "Father in law".
42	Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.
43	Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.
44	Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination? A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything
45	Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minute

SMS :- JOKE- 2

16	Man-i want a divorce. My wife hasnt spoken 2 me for six months now! Judge-better think it over! Wives like that are hard 2 get!
17	Teacher : If u have 12 chocolates u gv 5 to Leena,3 to Tina,4 to Meena, den what wil u get? Student: 3 NEW GIRLFRIENDS
18	Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the violin after the operation?" "yes of course...." "Great ! i never could before"
19	A beggar meets another beggar. A software engineer meets another software engineer. Both of them ask the same question to each other. What is the question ??? So, Which Platform are you Working on ???....
20	Why does history keep repeating it self? Because we weren't listening the first time !
21	TEACHER== Name four members of the cat family? STUDENTS== Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens
22	Mr A: my wife kisses me every night when I get home. Mr B: mine too, but only 2 c if I have been drinking.
23	When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness
24	Honey, when we get married, I'll be there to share all your troubles and sorrows." "But I don't have any, my love." "I said, when we get married"
25	Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? A:About 45 pounds!!
26	Why do bosses prefer round table conferences? So that no1 can corner them.
27	A guy told his friend, “My father’s name is laughing and my mother’s name is smiling.” So the friend asks, “Is your name kidding?” The guy says, “That’s my brother’s name and I am joking.”
28	Wife: u know, husband and wife are not allowed 2 be together in heaven!!! Husband: yes, that's y it's called heaven
29	A lady had 8 sons all named KEVIN, when asked how she differentiates while calling, she replied “by their surname”.
30	Why r Egyptian children always confused? Because after death their daddy becomes Mummy

SMS :- JOKE- 1

1. Never Explain Yourself to Anyone Because The person Who Likes U Doesnt Need It. And The Person Who Dislikes U Wont belive it....!!

2. Wife: Im ashamed of the way we live; papa pays the house rent, my brother sends food and clothing, aunty pays our electric and water bills and my friend Sheela buys us movie tickets.I dont like to complain but now its too much. Husband: U shud be ashamed; uve still got 1 sister and 2 brothers, who dont send us even a single penny.

3. Judge to accused: Have you anything to offer before I pass sentence on you?Accused: No, Your Honour. My lawyer took my last dollar.

4. Mr. Verma got the following letter: If u dont send Rs.2 lakhs within 3 days time, we will kidnap ur wife.To this, he sent the following reply: I m very sorry,I cant fulfill ur demand, but I m sure u ll keep up ur promise.

5. Wife:Yester-night I saw a dream that u were sending me jewellery and clothes! Husband: Yeah, I saw ur dad paying the bill !!!

6. 1 drunk asked the other:What a beautiful night,look at the moon.Other drunk: U are wrong,thats not the moon,that s the sun.Both started arguing for a while when they saw another drunk walking; they stopped him,Sir,pls help settle our argument?Tell us what is that up in the sky that s shining.Is it the moon or the sun?3rd man looked at the sky and said,Sorry, I dont live around here.

7. Guide: I welcome u all to the Niagra falls. These are the world s largest Waterfalls and the sound intensity of the Waterfall is so high, sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing cant be heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagra falls??

8. Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called? Student: I don't know. Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called? Student: They r called Germs.

9. Tom enters kitchen and opens the sugar box. Sees inside and closes it. Wife observes the whole episode Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this? Tom replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly.

10. What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.

11. When do you know a woman is going to say something interesting ? .... When she starts with "My husband said..."

12. Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"

13. Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."

14. Reporter: How does it feel to become a millionaire? Millionaire: Sad, because I am not a billionaire.

15. Man: God, how long is a million years to you? God: A second. Man: How much is $ 1 Million to you? God: A cent. Man: Can I borrow a cent? God: Wait a second. =)