To live this life I need a heartbeat, to have a heartbeat I need a heart, to have a heart I need happiness and to have happiness I need you! 
I have liked many but loved very few yet no one has been as sweet as you. I'd stand & wait in the world's longest queue just 4 the pleasure of a moment with u.
Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long!
How do you recognize Santa's son, Pappu, in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.
Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in medical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?"
Santa: He's not studying, they are studying him!
Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven’t u heard train is coming on platform.
Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!
Jeeto: U tell a man something, it goes in one ear & comes out of the other.
Santa: U tell a woman something, it goes in both ears & comes out of the mouth.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That’s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions
Santa walks into a library & says, "Can I have a burger and coke?" Librarian, "I'm sorry, this is a library." Santa whispers, "Can I have a burger & fries?"
Teacher: I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of.
Pappu: Life imprisonment!
Santa: My dad was an extremely brave man. He once entered a lion's cage.
Banta: He probably got a lot of applause ven he got out.
Santa: I didn't say he got out.
Banta: Why is the Police nicknamed "The heart of the country"?
Santa: It beats, beats, beats.
Once Professor Santa asked a plumber to come to his college. You know why?
Because he wanted to check from where the question paper is leaking.
Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.
Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.
Santa (reading from book of facts): "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?" Banta: "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"
Santa: Ghar ka saara keemti samaan chhupa ke rakh do, mere dost aa rahe hain.
Jeeto: Kyon! Aapke dost chura lengey?
Santa: Nahin, pehchan lengey.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sweet girl goes to Banta's shop and said: Mujhe underwear dikhao.
Banta sharmate hue: Aaj pehan kar nahin aaya.
Santa: Woh ladki kitni sundar hai!
Banta: Mujhe uska naam pata hai.
Santa: Kya naam hai uska?
Banta: Woh bank mein kaam karti hai, uske counter ke upar uska naam likha tha "CHAALU KHAATA"
Translation from hindi to english, "Khushi ke mare uski chaati phool gayi".
Santa: Due to happiness, his chest became breast.
Santa ki shaadi ek nurse se ho gayi.
Banta: Aur santa, kaisi nibh rahi hai?
Santa: Pooch mat yaar, jab tak sister na kaho, bolti hi nahi.
In a train compartment husband: Darling, mujhe to tumhari aatma se pyar hai, tumhare jism ki mujhe koi chah nahin. Main tumhari rooh ko chahta hoon, tumhara shareer to main kutton ko daal doon.
Banta sitting on upper berth says: BOW BOW
Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho?
Santa: Suicide karne ke liye
Banta: To phir ubalne kui kya zaroorat hai?
Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye
Girl: Will u marry me?
Santa: No, humare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se
Ek baar Santa Gangubai ke ghar jaata hai aur darwaza knock karta hai.
Gangubai: Kaun ?
Santa: Main !
Gangubai: Main kaun?
Santa: Tu Gangubai
Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA
Nurse came out with the newborn kid, Santa rushed 2 her & after seeing the kid he shouted, BETA hua BETA. She slapped him: Leave my finger, u fool, It’s a gal
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banta ped pe chada to upar baithey bandar ne poocha: Upar kyon aaya?
Banta: Apple khane.
Bandar: Yeh to aam ka ped hai.
Banta: Pata hai, apple saath laya hoon.
Santa dials a number. A girl receives the call.
Santa: Who r u?
Girl: Seeta here.
Santa: Maine to Chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to Ayodhya mil gaya.
Santa ke bagiche mein bahut sare ped - paudhe thay, Santa naukar ko bola ped-paudhon ko pani dal.
Naukar: Sahab baarish ho rahi hai.
Santa: Abe to Chatri leke dal.
Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aaya hai.
Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.
Pappu was writing his father's name on a 1000 Watt bulb.
Santa asked him: What are you doing?
Pappu: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
Santa to Pappu: Where's Sukhna Lake?
Pappu: Pata nahi.
Santa: Kabhi ghar se bhi nikla karo.
Pappu: Who's Banta?
Santa: Pata nai.
Pappu: Kabhi ghar me bhi raha karo.
Santa: Do you know English?
Banta: Yes
Santa: Ok! Then tell what is the opposite of NAAG PANCHAMI?
Banta: So simple Yaar... NAAG DO NOT PUNCH ME.
Santa apni GF ko I love u kehta aur gir jata.
Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Santa : I am falling in love.
Lady doctor: tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar aurto ko kyon ghurte ho?
Santa: ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai "aurton ko dekhne ka samay subah 10 se 12".
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment